sometimes, like when they brush the mirror instead of their teeth, it feels like they're trying to undo my efforts, my achievements in keeping things clean. but they are children. they're not out to make my life more difficult. they're just living theirs ideally; by doing. by trying new things. by experimenting. they make messes of themselves and this house. my yelling and pushing can't make them behave like adults because they are children. only time and the grace of god will make them into adults.
then i am undone. all my yelling and pushing myself, pushing us all to be good, to do right, to look clean is an ineffectual waste of time. making a mess of life is in my nature. only time and the grace of god will change that.