Anxiety kicks my butt.
And hard, too. But God is in the process of moving me from fear to freedom. One night when we were away from home, my kids were in a restless slumber, the kind where they flop and turn and make strange noises, the unfamiliar was poking and prodding and invoking in me panic and doubt. So, in desperation, I sought the Lord who felt light years away and opened my Bible (via the internet…so I guess I didn’t open my Bible as much as I Googled my Bible) to a familiar and tender passage, Psalm 19, a Psalm about God’s strength and might. Except that I Googled the wrong number and wound up in Psalm 91, a Psalm about the battle between fear and peace. Merely coincidence? Not at all.
And as I read the words “You will not fear the terror of night nor the arrow that flies by day” I thought of my own heart, the anxiety that comes in the night and the mocking words of self-doubt that fly by day. And it was as if God’s words on that page were intended just for me, to stir in me the passion to fight; to fight fear, to stand up against the anxiety that was winning the battle in my soul and to fight back relentlessly.
I was eager to fight because a battle with fear is a tumultuous one. But how in the world do I fight fear? And then it clicked in my head and my heart sang with the hope of peace: “I will not be afraid. I will trust in you, I will trust in you, I will trust in you”. To fight fear I need but one weapon, TRUST. Finding the place where the God of my humble life is also the GOD of the UNIVERSE and then sitting in that place long enough for God to carry my fear and panic which are so big and so real into the reality of what they truly are.
I choose to fight anxiety when it rears it’s ugly, deceiving, agonizing head.
I fight with trust. Daily it’s a choice that involves seeking and knowing the right one to trust in. I’m learning that when I seek with all my heart I find the Faithful One holding my quivering hand out of the rubble of my emotions and into the blessing that is peace.